Mom has been gone for about a week and half. I still haven’t cried. Nette cries, here and there, most days, missing Mom. Christine injured her eye and has those awful sunglasses they give you at the hospital… I was joining them in the suv when I see her, she looks exactly like our mom, huddled in a jacket that I used to loan Mom. For a sec there, I thought it was our Mom. We know she is gone but we are glad she is not suffering anymore.
Mourning is different for everyone. Some are broken by death while others seem to be not broken at all. No way is the right way. Its not a one size fits all kind, of things. My way is right for me and Nette’s way is best for her, neither is wrong. I hope I do get to cry but its not going to kill me if I don’t. I’m grateful that I had 50 years with my Mom and I’m going to miss talking with her. Mourning doesn’t have to be this big thing, it can be quiet. I have never went thru depression, so those with depression, it can hit them like a mack truck. Remember that your emotional well-being will affect your health. I had a simple cold but the day after, it got worse. In the two years since my last health scare, I have been healthy-ish, no headaches, no dizzy spells, and no allergies but then wham! I’m still sick-ish, 95% over this cold.
It took me longer to get over my brother-in-law’s death. He was my best friend and my big brother who watched my back. I lead a boring life so I never need his help in that regards, except for when we run into his drunk old uncle who wanted in my pants. I will never forget my last words to him. Me and Christine had taken him to the ER because his legs were hurting so bad. They released him and so we went home. The kids said, “I love you,” and went on to bed. Ed turned to his wife, Christine, and said, “I love you,” and I was fixing to go down the hall, when I turned, and said, smart-alecky, “I love you too!” Messing with him like that was my hobby, so he grinned at me and rolled his eyes at me. That was the last time I saw him alive. I sobbed like a baby at his memorial service. Every death is going to hit you different. And some days, you will think you’re over the worst part when bam! You’re back in the car with devastation rushing towards a telephone pole.
Crying doesn’t make you weak. Sometimes you need a time out to mourn. Some need more help than others. You don’t know how you will react until it happens. Enjoy the time you do have and don’t forget to tell them how you feel, you might never get another chance.